Many Successful Gay Marriages Share an Open Secret

"When Rio and Ray married in 2008, the Bay Area women omitted two words from their wedding vows: fidelity and monogamy...But they knew from the beginning that their bond would be forged on their own terms, including what they call 'play' with other women...New research at San Francisco State University reveals just how common open relationships are among gay men and lesbians in the Bay Area. The Gay Couples Study has followed 556 male couples for three years — about 50 percent of those surveyed have sex outside their relationships, with the knowledge and approval of their partners.That consent is key. 'With straight people, it’s called affairs or cheating,' said Colleen Hoff, the study’s principal investigator, 'but with gay people it does not have such negative connotations'...they opened their relationship a year ago after concluding that they were not fully meeting each other’s needs. But they have rules: complete disclosure, honesty about all encounters, advance approval of partners, and no sex with strangers — they must both know the other men first. 'We check in with each other on this an awful lot,' said James, 37."

So the secret is "out."